Rationalization is a trickster; it has a way of twisting the truth so we can defend ourselves against the consequences of truth. It offers believable but untrue reasons for our actions. It keeps us from taking the positive action of telling ourselves the truth. Most of us are tempted to rationalize now and then because we’re afraid to face the truth. We may be afraid that others will judge us negatively, or we may want to look better in a bad situation.
There are two ways we frequently rationalize. One is called ‘sour grapes’. For example, if there’s something we really want but don’t have, we pretend that it’s defective. Maybe we really want to win the prize in a contest, which is a camera. But somebody else gets it. We say to ourselves, “Well, it probably wasn’t a very good camera anyway.”
The other way we frequently rationalize is called ‘sweet lemons’. That’s when we fool ourselves into thinking something we have (which isn’t what we want) is what we really want. For example, we want a high end laptop, but what we have is an old, outdated desktop. We pretend that what we really wanted was an old outdated desktop.
When we rationalize, we divert attention away from reality, and we mislead and confuse ourselves and others. However, the person hurt most by rationalization is the person who does it. Rationalization makes our lives complicated and messy. We are uncomfortable when we rationalize because we always know—in our hearts and minds—what the truth is.
Today, let’s see if we can move from rationalization to reality:
- Gather your family in a circle.
- Now identify some specific areas of your family life where we rationalize, and talk openly about those areas. What “sour-grapes” rationalizations do you use as a family? What “sweet-lemons” rationalizations do you use?
- Pick a specific instance when you rationalized about something instead of acknowledging the truth.
- Write down how you handled the situation, and then write how you could have acknowledged the truth in the same situation.
- Take turns sharing your experiences with one another.
Can we make a pledge to move from rationalizing to reality? Difficult, but not impossible.
Team Learning Curve
Learning Curve Foundation 